Objective Parenting

by Shannon
(Comox, BC, Canada)

My 'cool', popular, grade 6 son started talking about changing schools. He said there was too much swearing, and it made him 'think swearing', so he was likely to develop the habit. I was surprised at his efforts for character developement and disscussed things like keeping his personal ideals while living among others' varied choices. After all, swearing is everywhere, and he loved his school. His request to change schools persisted. I asked many questions and discovered he was being bullied by a good friend. I spoke with the principal who had a negative impression of said bully, and was certain the bully's parents were not going to respond favorably. I was determined to find the best solution, and show my son we could work through any probem he had. Then an interesting thing happend. My questioning uncovered the fact that my son, who is known to be very antagonistic, was pushing his friend's buttons to the point of physical retaliation.

Bullying is a hot topic. No-one beleives they are the parent of a bully. Its a gross disservice to our children to assume their character is glowing, and the fault always lies elswhere. The path was paved to blame this other boy. While my son didn't bully, and while his friend's physical retaliation wasn't ok, it was, as boys go, fairly natural. My son needed the lesson. This other boy is growing through the flaws the principal saw. He is also a good friend to my son, who now has done some growing himself.